all the ups with no downs

sometimes i like a little moan but not today, today i just love my life! it feels so perfect and this is how i want it to always stay. me and esme had a fun morning playing, reading and singing nursery rhymes. i did some laundry and housework then we went out to meet raymond for lunch. it was a nice lunch and we both had a panini although i have so say that raymonds was way nicer so i was kind of jealous. i then did a little bit of shopping and came home.

esme gets her dinner at 4 and its always a fun occasion! she has just learned how to blow bubbles and she just loves the sound of her own voice so trying to feed her can sometimes be a challenge all be it a fun one! she just kept spitting today when she was getting dinner so it ended up everywhere. she made me laugh so much and when i laugh, she laughs which also proved to be fun with food in her mouth!! i cant wait to teach her that shes not allowed to talk with her mouth full. it may make meal times slightly more boring but definitely cleaner.

i love my little life <3

noisy neighbours

i'm not the kind of person that goes about 'hating' people - but i really do despise my upstairs neighbours. they have zero respect for anyone, let alone themselves. i'm on the verge of calling the police its getting so bad. our landlord wont do anything, the antisocial behaviour people wont do anything. what else can i do?? today is the worst its been for a while and i eventually broke down in tears as it keeps getting worse and worse. i'm beside myself with what to do :( it got so bad that poor esme got such a fright and just burst into tears. i banged up to them but that just resulted in a banging match and i think i may have fractured my hand or something!! for now though ive just taken esme into a cuddle, put the mormon tabernacle choir into the cd player, turned it up to tune everything else out and i'm taking deep breaths...

aberdeen - i hate you sometimes

new rant - weather. especially this stupid aberdeen weather. one minute its sunny, then we have hail stones, then rain, then snow. all within 10 minutes. and the wind, dont even get me started on it. i was out walking with esme today and her big bulky pram almost blew over and when i got home i put my hair down, shook it a little and i actually had grit and leaves fall out of my hair. its crazy and its times like this that i really wish i lived back in glasgow. we never had insane weather like that there, especially not wind like it was today. ive never experienced anything like it in my life and that really is no joke!!

small rant over but only cause im too tired from all the wind fighting to type anymore...

dot dot dot

as i sit here and look at the mess i call my 'living room' i cant help but wonder will my life always be like this? i feel like there is so much getting on top of me and its affecting everything in my life. my attitude towards life, my relationships, my mood. everything. i have so much ironing to do and its begun to get me so down that i now just think that i should become a nudist or something just to cut down on the washing and ironing but the funny thing is that i have the least amount of stuff to be washed and ironed. it seems like there is so much to do and so little time to do it. i dont sleep much anymore, or eat. just because i honestly feel that i dont have the time. when did life become so complicated and busy? does it ever get easier? i had a think about it and i figure if i write it down it may be slightly easier to deal with so here goes.

washing, ironing, putting clothes away, nappy changes, feeds for esme, primary lessons, missionary meals, cooking, cleaning, shopping, bathing, general hygiene, cleaning includes floors, dishes, carpets (hoovering), bed making, windows, bathroom, tending to esme.

these are just a few of the things i feel i need to accomplish on a daily basis. it honestly makes me want to break down and cry sometimes. i know im going to be up in 3 hours with esme and to be honest, i just dont have the energy or sanity to cope :(

kodak moments

do you ever have a moment in your life when you think 'perfect... now where's my camera?' i had one of those kodak moments this morning. esme was up about 6.00 so i decided to let raymond tend to her while i went for a bath. i came out of the bath and there they were, lying on the bed reading the scriptures. it was adorable. she was just lying there listening to him while he read to her. it was at that moment that i realised just how much i love them both and just how much i wanted to improve as a mother and a wife.

esme is refusing to nap right now so i have decided to let her cry it out... does that make me a bad mother? i know she's tired but she's just refusing to sleep. it can be frustrating. any hints on how to get babies to nap?? some days she will go from 7am till 8.30pm without any sleep and it can really wear me down.

who are you and what have you done with my daughter?

it could very well be one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.... esme is asleep. this is such a big deal to me because she never sleeps during the day and if by any chance she does then its a 10 minute cat nap. in the time she has been asleep i have managed to tidy up (properly), watch a little bit of tv and even make and ice cup cakes (and give them to my neighbours too) and now ive decided to let the world know that i have a sleeping child. not only that but last night esme went to bed about 9.00 and i decided to go with her so i slept from 9.00 till 5.00 - it.was.INCREDIBLE! i feel great today and im really loving being at home with esme. she really is such a joy in my life. it really is true - mothers love to talk about their children. i love to talk about esme, even if it's just talking about her poop. i just want to tell the world how amazing she (and her poop) are.